May 2010
My heart is pounding out of my chest.
This irrational paranoia takes over and I forget how to breathe.
Every shadow is my certain demise.
I am completely alone.
No one can protect me.
My imagination is my own worst enemy.
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Adventures in New Orleans
So, my friends Ryan, Brandon, and I took a road trip to New Orleans. It was an absolute blast! That’s why I’ve been absent for a few days. Here are a few pictures to illustrate the trip!
We went to several free art galleries. They were practically on every corner!
My favorite thing about New Orleans, though, is that there is great music playing everywhere you go. This is Tuba...
3236.) I block out everyone and everything...
serendipitea:
(via blogconfession)
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We are beautiful, we are doomed.
(via annajoy)
I'm only your consolation prize.
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The ocean is flooding over me,
Waters rising to my throat.
Higher.
Over my head.
These are not treacherous waters, however.
Although I am covered, I do not drown.
I feel overwhelmed with relief.
It washes over me as the ocean.
I open my eyes and everything is blue,
Clear, glorious blue.
I do not even need to breathe.
I'm home.
And it feels amazing.
What a day...
This has been the strangest day…
After taking my last final, I had to finish a paper whose perfect sources that I found previously had mysteriously stopped existing. I finally found sources, but they weren’t as solid, and finished my paper. As I was getting it ready, I discovered that a previous paper I had gotten back the grades for was the rough draft, not the final draft that I...
We are nameless as we dance.
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I can taste the blood and skin under my fingernails as I nervously chew on them, damp from wiping unwanted tears. When did it all start to fall apart? When was the point where I no longer had time to accomplish all of the things I want need to do?
I wrap my arms around my knees, head in my hands, and breathe.
One, two, three, four, five.
Breathe.
One, two, three, four, five.
I feel the scars...
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I can almost feel your touch on my skin.
Almost.
As if there is a presence hovering just inches away,
A memory perhaps.
The sensation is not comforting, however,
It leaves me cold and wanting,
Desiring closeness even more than before.
A touch, a pressure, a peace that comes from physical contact.
These things have been absent for too long,
And my very skin yearns for them.
Almost is not...
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Prom!
Prom and after prom were both so much fun! I didn’t bring my camera with me, so I’ll put up pictures with my date later. We made sure to do the awkward prom pose and everything!
So, here’s a few pictures of me…because I’m a little narcissistic sometimes…
My old roommate came over to let me borrow her dress (which was at least 6 inches too long for me) and...
Oh, Union kids...
Okay, to preface this, if you weren’t already aware, I go to the epitome of a southern baptist university. Also if you weren’t already aware, I am a Christian, but not at all a conservative one. So, the subject came up about the appropriateness of cuddling. Maggie doesn’t like cuddling with girls, she thinks it’s weird. Chase said something about cuddling being foreplay. I...
Haha, I just got called “classy lady.”
And then asked to prom via text message.
So great.
^_^
It has been a bad day so far. Very bad.
Like, I want to sit on the floor and cry bad.
Maybe it’s just because I’m so tired.
But I’m trying to be positive.
And tonight is mock prom!
I’ll post pictures later.
I need a good party.
Cage - a visit from sad, fourteen year old Me
I’m in a cage with no way out.
A horrid cage of fear and doubt.
I am so depressed and lost,
I did not realize the true cost
Of feeling like nobody cares.
You just can’t care if you’re not there.
I am so sad, I cannot see
Any good that lies in me.
I must stay here in this cage
For my heart is filled with hurt and rage.
There’s only one thing that I know,
To be...
Easier to Run - Linkin Park
Okay, so a...
thepaisleywindow asked: You are such a unique person! That's such a rare and lovely quality to see in a tumblr. :)
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I am past the end of my rope, I have been for a while now. I reached the end, slid down a little further, realized I was holding onto nothing but thin air, and fell into the abyss. I’m not even sure where this abyss came from. I was certain that just a few short feet from where I hung on this rope was solid ground. Now, I just keep falling deeper into this rabbit hole. Nothing is solid...
I love my friends.
Katie: I'm bored. Tell me a story?
Me: Okay, so once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess named Katie.
Katie: Well I am. And I'm sick of playing Pokemon. So?
Me: Katie was on an epic quest for small magical monsters that were in hiding throughout the kingdom.
Katie: This sounds familiar...
Me: One particular monster was named Tiffachu and was very evil.
Me: So one day as katie was walking through the enchanted forest, Tiffachu leapt from behind a tree and attacked Katie with biting cynicism and harsh words.
Me: Katie was unsure how to respond, for she had never uttered a cruel word, and decided to fight back with the greatest weapon of all: witty banter!
Katie: And so Katie released her level 44 Shakesparrow and attacked!
Me: But soft. What light through yonder window breaks? It is lightning, and it is emitted from Tiffachu's humble brow.
Katie: A touch, a touch! I do confess! What's this the bird is evolving to Bard!
Me: What's in a name? That which we call a bird by any other name would strike as deadly.
Katie: Unless he's a rat, dead for a ducat!
Me: There are more things in heaven and earth, dear princess Katie, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
Katie: What a piece of work is Pokemon! How infinite in faculty!
Me: We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep.
Katie: My dreams are rounded with sheep.
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A single beam of sunlight fights its way through the blinds to fall across my arm. I look down, careful not to move, soaking up the incredible warmth. I long to escape from underneath these books that weigh me down, pressing me permanently into the sofa. I would fly out the door and leave this place. I would fly to where you are…
That’s enough daydreaming. The cathode is the...
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Oh, you have got to be kidding me.
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There was no wind that night. No rustling of the trees. Nothing to distract from the uncomfortable veil of silence that masked everything on that street. Of course she heard him walk up behind her, heard his breath fall heavier the closer he came, until it settled on the back of her neck. Her heart was pounding furiously, whether from fear or anticipation, she knew not which. They both stood in...
It would be nice if you would text me sometime just because you want to talk to me, not because you’re drunk and you want to hit on me and ask me for pictures.
Not only do you have a girlfriend, but you know me, and you know I won’t play along.
Thanks for making me feel important.
October 10
I find myself trying ever more radical interpretations of traditional dishes, in an effort to somehow express the void I feel so acutely. Today I tried this recipe:
Tuna Casserole
Ingredients: 1 large casserole dish
Place the casserole dish in a cold oven. Place a chair facing the oven and sit in it forever. Think about how hungry you are. When night falls, do not turn on the...
I would hate to let you know how much I think about you.
Me: Hey, remember that time when I shot myself in the head and all my brains spilled out all over the floor of the library and everyone just stared at me because they didn’t want to get their hands all bloody?
Aubrey: um…yeah
did that happen again?
Me: yeah.
just now.
Aubrey: oh no
who’s gonna clean it up?
Me: probably no one…they’ll probably just leave my brains...
I can't breathe.
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She touched his hand. A light touch, contacting only his palm with the very tips of her fingers, but he knew what she meant. He didn’t even have to look at her, he just knew. There was something in the way her skin felt against his, different, too soft. There was something in her eyes that night, a dullness he had never seen. There was something in the set of her mouth, lips pressed just...
Sometimes I write about a love that I’ve lost, just so I can pretend that I had love in the first place.
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There’s a gnawing emptiness in my chest. Like the feeling in your stomach when you haven’t eaten all day, except it’s in the place that my heart should be.
I feel empty. Hollow.
The nothingness is trying to escape somehow, to claw a hole right through my skin and bone and release itself onto the world.
I am fighting so hard to keep it trapped inside.
I would never want this...
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I wish I felt attractive.
I wish I didn’t feel so small.
