Sometimes I really wish that someone would just try to save me.
I know that I would refuse.
I’ll assure you that I don’t need help,
That everything is under control.
But you give up so easily.
I guess the person that I’m really looking for is the one who will save me in spite of my protests.
Always being my own hero gets so exhausting.
I need a break.
There she is again,
sitting alone in the corner booth
at the Waffle House.
Polite smile, ordering coffee -
one cream, two sugars
masking bitterness.
Her shoulders scrunch up by her ears
when she takes a sip.
Eyes never leave the four foot
radius of the booth.
Today she pulls out a notebook.
One line drips from pen to paper.
Scribbled out.
Try again.
Lip caught between teeth
below furrowed brow.
She smiles a thank you at the waitress
that comes, unprompted, with a refill.
Heavy sighs and tearing paper sound simultaneously.
Wadded almost literature
stuffed into resisting pockets.
She pulls the porcelain mug up to her lips -
holding it there -
absorbing fresh-pressed Columbian steam.
A shield against the frost
that creeps onto window corners,
a parasitic ivory vignette in an empty frame.
1) Lie to yourself often.
2) Get naked, but don’t look in the mirror.
3) Develop a mental disorder, such as schizophrenia.
4) Do drugs all the time.
5) Convince yourself that everyone secretly wants you.
6) Spend more of your time asleep than awake.
7) Find a way to collect money from people’s pity.
8) Ben & Jerry’s. (Again, don’t look in the mirror)
Jaweh with Atom Bomb
Allah cuts throat of Infidels
Jaweh’s armies beat down neighbouring tribes
Will Red Sea waters close & drown th’armies of Allah?
Israel’s tribes worshipping the Golden Calf
Moses broke the Tablets of Law.
Zalmon Schacter Lubovitcher Rebbe what you say
Stone Commandments broken on the ground
Sufi Sam whaddya say
Shall Prophet’s companions dance circled
round Synagogue while Jews doven bearded electric?
Both Gods Terrible! Awful Jaweh Allah!
Both hook-nosed-gods, circumcised.
Jaweh Allah which unreal?
Which stronger Illusion?
Which stronger Army?
Which gives most frightening command?
What God maintain egohood in Eden? Which be Nameless?
Which enter Abyss of Light?
Worlds of Gods, jealous Warriors, Humans, Animals & Flowers,
Hungry Ghosts, even Hell Beings all die,
Snake cock and pig eat each other’s tails and perish
All Jews all Moslems’ll die All Israelis all Arabs
Cairo’s angry millions Jerusalem’s multitudes
suffer Death’s dream Armies in battle!
Yea let Tribes wander to tin camps at cold Europe’s walls?
Yea let the Million sit in the desert shantytowns with tin cups?
I’m a Jew cries Allah! Buddha circumcised!
Snake sneaking an apple to Eden -
Alien, Wanderer, Caller of the Great Call!
What Prophet born on this ground
bound me Eternal to Palestine
circled by Armies tanks, droning bomber motors,
radar electronic computers?
What Mind directed Stern Gang Irgun Al Fatah
Black September?
Meyer Lanksy? Nixon Shah? Gangster? Premier? King?
one-eyed General Dayan?
Golda Meir and Kissinger bound me with Arms?
HITLER AND STALIN SENT ME HERE!
WEIZMANN AND BEN-GURION SENT ME HERE!
NASSER AND SADAT SENT ME HERE!
ARAFAT SENT ME HERE! MESSIAH SENT ME HERE!
GOD SENT ME HERE!
Buchenwald sent me here! Vietnam sent me here!
Mylai sent me here!
Lidice sent me here!
My mother sent me here!
I WAS BORN HERE IN ISRAEL, Arab
circumcised, my father had a coffee shop in Jerusalem
One day the soldiers came and told me to walk down road
my hands up
walk away leave my house business forever!
The Israelis sent me here!
Solomon’s Temple the Pyramids & Sphinx sent me here!
JAWEH AND ALLAH SENT ME HERE!
Abraham will take me to his bosom!
Mohammed will guide me to Paradise!
Christ sent me here to be crucified!
Buddha will wipe out and destroy the world.
The New York Times and Cairo Editorialist Heykal sent me here!
Commentary and Palestine Review sent me here!
The International Zionist Conspiracy sent me here!
Syrian Politicians sent me here! Heroic Pan-Arab
Nationalists sent me here!
They’re sending Armies to my side -
The Americans & Russians are sending bombing planes tanks
Chinese Egyptians Syrians help me battle for my righteous
house my Soul’s dirt Spirit’s Nation body’s
boundaries & Self’s territory my
Zionist homeland my Palestine inheritance
The Capitalist Communist & Third World Peoples’
Republics Dictatorships Police States Socialisms and Democracies
are all sending Deadly Weapons to our aid!
We shall triumph over the Enemy!
Maintain our Separate Identity! Proud
History evermore!
Defend our own bodies here this Holy Land! This hill
Golgotha never forget, never relinquish
inhabit thru Eternity
under Allah Christ Yaweh forever one God
Shema Yisroel Adonoi Eluhenu Adonoi Echad!
La ilah illa’ Allah hu!
OY! AH! HU! OY! AH! HU!
SHALOM! SHANTIH! SALAAM!
I’m screaming, somewhere inside my own head.
Or deeper,
My very flesh writhes and shrieks.
I want to tear off every bit of my skin just to prove that I can.
I am stronger.
Sleep, food, sex.
The basic human necessities become less basic the longer you go without them.
I need nothing.
Nothing but this book,
These notecards.
I am hollow.
Bite off a piece and you’ll see.
Yesterday was my birthday.
I turned 21.
I went to the gay bar.
I had all the fun.
But, I didn’t get to make out with anyone…
Also, I have the curse of being incredibly attracted to gay men.
I’m a very sexually frustrated person.
Haha.
But seriously, my birthday was awesome!
Thanks for asking.
